Chapter 33: Getting back to Nature

It appears, dear reader, I have missed an important part of Kipwil’s journey in 12WBT land.  This was her second mini milestone: a bushwalk of 12 Km in an area 3 hours away from where Kipwil lived with Hubba Hubba and her children.

Hubba Hubba and Kipwil set off in the car to reach The Grampians, an area famous for bushwalking and rock formations.  It was a pleasant drive, especially since Kipwil and Hubba Hubba enjoy each other’s company so much.  They knew it would be a good day when upon arrival, a small herd of deer watched fearlessly from the side of the road as Hubba Hubba drove slowly passed, stopped and took photos.  It was a magic moment.

They approached the local guide office to be met with a small disappointment.  The bushwalk they had chosen was washed out from flooding.  Fortunately though, there was another, shorter route they could take, so armed with maps, water and a light picnic, they set off for The Pinnacles.

The day was bright and sunny, the path clearly marked. All around them was the sound of birds and the rustle of grass as lizards dashed here and there.  It was a steep path in places, with metal steps ascending almost vertically in the side of the mountain.  It wasn’t long before both Kipwil and Hubba Hubba were breathing heavily.

Along the way, they talked of everything from dreams of the future to memories of the past and all that was in between.  Kipwil felt like she did when she first met Hubba Hubba, when everything was new, exciting and overwhelming coloured with love.  They reached a rest point, about halfway up the dirt and metal track, with a gorgeous view of a dam in the distance and the township far, far below them, like a picture in a child’s book.  The air was clean and fresh, the sun warming on the skin, the wildflowers opening their tiny heads to the bees calling upon each one.  After a few photos and a drink, they set off again.

Towards the peak, the going got a little tougher.  The path petered out to rocks and they were spotting the tell-tale arrows to point them in the right direction of the peak.  Scrambling up and over, along and under, Kipwil could not wait to race ahead over the next rise.  And there it was……The Pinnacles lookout.  They had made it.

After peering over the edge at the tiny dots of houses with ribbons of roads, Kipwil and Hubba Hubba found a flat rock to sit on and enjoy a picnic.  A crow came near and made friends with Hubba Hubba who tossed small pieces of apple to it.

“Well that was a good walk but it was over too soon!” Kipwil said happily but a little disappointed.

“There’s another path over there, let’s try that one” Hubba Hubba suggested.

Packing up, they set off down the new path.

This was a rocky path to follow too and eventually led to a narrow crevice with stairs leading down into the dark.  Kipwil leaned down peering along the length and was relieved to see an opening not too far along. 

  She didn’t do well in tight enclosed spaces! A little past the crevice they came across a small waterfall….lovely cool water just trickling gently down over a shallow cave with a pebbly dirt floor.  The water fell into a narrow creek which disappeared under the ground, reappearing on the other of the path.  It was beautiful.

Sadly, continuing on their way, the intrepid bushwalkers ran into a ‘TRACK CLOSED’ sign.  They turned left onto a path to lead them back in a circular way to the top again, stopping for more water and to exchange backpacks.  When they were nearly at the Pinnacles peak, there was another sign…..leading to a car park.

“Want to try it?” Hubba Hubba asked, raising one eyebrow.

“YES!” Kipwil exclaimed and off they scrambled back over rocks and through spiky bushes covered in tiny flowers.

So far, Kipwil and Hubba Hubba had been walking for 3 hours.  Kipwil loved it, her legs felt strong and she could feel the muscles moving smoothly under her skin as she stretched over gaps or jumped onto rocks.  Her mind was at peace and her heart was light. She felt so in control of her own fate and was already making plans to come out again with the children so they too could feel the thrill and the peace of the bush.

Eventually they came out to the car park.

“ Ummm….babe, this isn’t anywhere near our car” Hubba Hubba said quietly, consulting the map they had been given.

“Why, where are we?” Kipwil said a little concerned but giggling….she couldn’t believe they were lost while knowing exactly where they were.

“ Well, we have two options, “ Hubba Hubba said, looking at the map,” we can go back the way we came, or we can go by the main road….looks about the same distance I reckon. But I have to say, my feet are starting to hurt from my shoes.”

“So, let’s go the main road, it’s smoother anyway” Kipwil suggested and so it was agreed.

The funny thing about tour maps is they are colourful and covered in cute little pictures of the view or of local flora and fauna, but they can also be highly inaccurate in measuring distances.  Kipwil and Hubba Hubba, being mindful of the time, walked and ran along the twisting road descending the mountain, expecting around every bend to see the township, only to see more and more road stretching before them.  They came up to another sign.

“Looks like we’ve got about another 5 k to go” Hubba Hubba said, “but look ahead.”

A temporary fence had been stretched across the road in front of them and a large yellow sign assertively told the tiring pair that the Road ahead was CLOSED.

“You are KIDDING me!” Kipwil exclaimed,” do we have to go back?  We’ve just walked 4 k away from the bushwalk tracks!!!!”

‘ Nah, come on” said Hubba Hubba,” we’ll be right, I think it means you can’t drive on it.”

They walked through a gap in the fencing and found themselves cut off from the world.  The silence along the road was only punctuated by the sound of their feet on the road and the calls of the magpies, bellbirds and kookaburras. It was nearing the middle of the day now, and the sun had developed a sting to it.  Kipwil could see Hubba Hubba’s face tinged with red and knew her own face and shoulders would be just the same.

They walked and ran, ran and walked forever it seemed.  Every corner led to another bend in the road and now Kipwil’s legs were starting to ache from the constant movement.  It was the longest 5 kilometres she had ever traversed.  Conversation between them still flowed and while not as free as it was, it was still filled with poking fun and laughter.

And then it happened…..they turned a bend and found themselves back into civilisation again.  Kipwil fet like falling down and kissing the nearest shop window.  They walked back to their car and collapsed inside.

“ I’ve worked out we’ve walked a bit over 21 Kilometres in 4 hours and 11 minutes, Hubba Hubba, pretty good hey! “ said Kipwil wearily.

“ We are LEGENDS” said Hubba Hubba tiredly, starting the car to head home.

“So…..when do you want to do this again?”  Kipwil asked, smiling at Hubba Hubba.

It’s amazing how much a look can communicate.

Chapter 32: The Glass Pit.

Kipwil found a decree while out cycling on Randy to the shops one day....a new challenge.

" BIKE CHALLENGE"

"Complete 3 time trials in one week"

"Distance = 15 Km"

" GO FOR IT!"

" Look Randy!  Another challenge, just PERFECT for us! Want to give it a go?"  Kipwil said cheerily.

Randy spun his wheels faster and whirred loudly.

" I'll take that as a YES!" Kipwil laughed, " Let's go get ready."

Kipwil and Randy mapped out a course along her favourite place, the river.  Kipwil had to complete 3 laps of her course to make it up to the 15 Km.  She cycled slowly to the starting point, and took a deep breath.

" Are you ready? YES?!  LET'S DO THIS!" She yelled and off they went.  

They tore down the path and up a small hill.  They chased birds and dragonflies along the path and Kipwil smiled gleefully as she felt the breeze rush past her, her legs pumping harder and harder and Randy's wheels whirring louder and louder.  It wasn't until the second lap, about halfway through, Kipwil's legs began to complain and she felt her face and skin start to get hotter and hotter.  Sweat was trickling down her back.  

Just keep pedalling  she chanted on her head and finally both her and Randy crossed the finish line.

"48 mins 10 seconds.!!!!!' Pretty good Random!!" Kipwil said puffing and cycling slowly home.  Randy whirred along comfortably.

' We'll go again tomorrow, same course." Kipwil decided.

Tomorrow dawned soon enough.  Kipwil and Randy found themsleves tearing around the course, Kipwil's legs screaming from the first lap and having to fight thousands of tiny insects hovering over the track in clouds.  Thankfully she was wearing glasses or her eyes would have been irritated and stinging from the countless bugs pelting against her face and helmet.  When they crossed the finish line, panting, Kipwil was dismayed to see her time.

"51mins 51 seconds....3 mins 41 secs slower. Oh Randy, we failed." She said in a small voice.

The beautiful free light feeling Kipwil had been feeling over the past 10 weeks slowly left her as she struggled home.  She didn't notice a small eruption in the soil in her back garden, or the dark shadow within it when she put Randy away. She went and logged her time, sighed and went about her day.

The next day dawned, as days are in the habit of doing, and Kipwil and Randy found themselves at the start line once again.

" Come on Randy, Let's give it another go." Kipwil said trying to muster enthusiasm in her voice but failing.

They raced around the track again, but this time Kipwil didn't feel the freedom or the breeze.  In her head all she heard was " You won't do it, you'll fail. You're useless.  Just finish it at least but you're going to fail" Kipwil's legs screamed at her and she had tears running down her face, from the soreness in her legs and the hatred in her head.  They crossed the finish line but Kipwil already knew the news was bad.

'55 mins 01 secs. Fail." 

Kipwil put Randy away with tears streaming down her face.  She was so disappointed in herself, so down,  So....beaten.  The voice in her head continued with its horrible disgusting thoughts, all things she had heard before when she was at primary school, when she was in high school, when she was married to the scum before Hubba Hubba rescued her.......the things she had heard and had scarred her heart all came bursting out again, overwhelming her with it's bitterness and hatred.  She didn't watch where she was walking and she found herself sliding swiftly into a vast black pit in her back garden. 

She sat in the bottom of the pit for a few minutes, disorientated.  It was dark in here, and she was a long long way down. The sides were smooth and cold and hard, like smooth sheets of glass.  She stood up carefully as it was slippery underfoot and tried to find a way to climb out.

There was no escape, the walls too steep, too slick and there was nothing to use as a hand or toe hold. She sat and cried and cried, feeling desolate and alone.

Some time passed, and Kipwil calmed. She sat staring at the walls.  A whisper of blue light floated down to her, circled her head and hovered in front of Kipwil's swollen red eyes.

Kipwil. This pit is of your own making.  You can make the way out of it also. What is as hard and black as glass? It is Hate.  So you must find your love to open the way out.

The wisp of light hovered for a moment and then floated up slowly.  Kipwil had the thought it was trying to watch her but the light was soon out of sight.

Find the love.  There IS nothing to love. It's not just the time trial I failed, look at me. I don't deserve to get out anyway, who would give a crap if I disappeared off the face of the earth? Kipwil thought hopelessly.

But Kipwil, fortunately for her had much more sensible and smarter Second thoughts.  Don't be so dramatic! the thoughts scolded her, let's have a think about this.  Hubba Hubba loves you...DON'T INTERRUPT! You know he does. and so what, you failed the time trial?  YOU STILL DID IT!  Did you think you'd be cycling 45 km a few weeks ago? Let's just focus on that little success, shall we?

Kipwil sighed and thought about it...well, yes she DID cycle 45 km all up and that's something to be proud of.  She didn't give up even when she knew she wouldn't beat her time...the old Kipwil wouldn't have even tried again!  What did she expect? That she'd lose weight and all of a sudden like herself? No no no....but it does remove one problem so another can be dealt with.  Kipwil began to think of a plan of action.

For every revolting thought Kipwil had screaming in her head, she tried to counter it with a positive one....just like slaying her Other Self all those weeks ago.  It was hard, so much harder than she wanted it to be.  It was exhausting, this mental battle, and it took all her energy.  But what she didn't notice is that as she countered each thought with a positive one, whether she believed it or not, the walls of the pit seemed to be retracting on itself, much like a telesope closing up.  After some time, Kipwil noticed the sheer smudge of light hovering in front of her again, burning brightly.  She looked around.

The pit had shrunk to the size of a fishpond, Kipwil could easily climb out. As she did, the light breathed words again.

This pit will remain Kipwil, it is your despair, your sorrow, your problems.  If you are not aware, and not ready to fight, it will swallow you again, no matter where you are or what you are doing.  Be disciplined in your thoughts, catch the poison before it spreads. Maybe one day, you will discover the antidote and be free of it forever. But until then, you must be on guard.

The light dissolved in front of Kipwil's eyes.  Her heart was still heavy and she just wanted to lay down and sleep.  But she had one thing to do first.  She went and wrote down what happened and how she felt in the hope it reminds her of how to beat that weakness when she needed to stay strong...in case the pit ever swallows her wholly and completely.




.

Chapter 31: A blog in pictures

Kipwil was surprised to hear a knock at the door. When she opened it, there was noone there but a parcel had been left on the doorstep. There was no return address or card with it, and it was wrapped in a very ordinary brown paper wrapping.

I wonder what it is? shethought as she dragged the heavy package in.

Hubba Hubba and the children helped her unwrap it. Inside was a screen, much like a flatscreen television, and a note.

" To remind you of how far you have come" was written  on the note.

As soon as Kipwil said the words out aloud, the screen flickered into life.

 

Entranced Kipwil watched the images and her thoughts scroll down the screen.  She was laughing at the music, smiling at the happy confident woman she could see on the screen. Am I really like THAT? she though.

Hubba Hubba hugged her as the children raced off to play superheroes.

" I love you," was all he said, and all he needed to say.

Together they went and hung the screen in the results room...or the Room of Truth as Kipwil was beginning to think about it.  This room had all the weigh ins and measurements, all the time trials, all the conversations with Queen Mish...there was no hiding from anything in there!  The screen was soon up and Kipwil watched it again.

" Come on," said Hubba Hubba, " It is time we went to The Workshop for our next class."

" Yes," said Kipwiul with newfound motivation a nd energy," I do believe it is."

What do you think of the screen? A new motivation is starting to build, can anything stop Kipwil now?

Chapter 30: Time Trials and New Found Resolve

Kipwil was starting to wobble a bit in her resolve.  She knew her time in 12WBT was growing short, she had only 2 more weeks and her inner thoughts were inclined to panic about it all.  She noticed she was starting to give in to Seduction more and lore and while it hadn’t alerted Cyril De Scales as yet, she knew that it wouldn’t be long before he would be asking questions about the increasing numbers.  I have to get a hold of myself!  Why am I back to believing I’m not worth it? Kipwil would think after each slip up.

A letter from Queen Mish arrived one day without fanfare.  It settled itself gently down beside Kipwil as she slept and waited patiently for Kipwil to stir.  When at last Kipwil opened her eyes, she saw Sergeant JFDI and the letter watching her.

“ Ummm…yes, can I help you both?” Kipwil asked somewhat bemusedly and with a hint of grumpiness.

“ IT’S CHALLENGE TIME KIPWIL. UP AND AT THEM AND MEET US BESIDE STOPCLOCK AT 0800HOURS.”  whispered Sergeant JFDI…well, attempted to whisper, it was more a hoarse sound equal to the motor of a vacuum cleaner.

The letter remained behind for Kipwil to read…it opened itself fussily and neatly and announced:

“Queen Mish has set you a challenge.  Two times this week, you are to conduct a series of time trials.  The distance is 1km and you are to do this 6 times. There is a two minute rest period between each run.  Note your times and report back with the fastest time you achieve.” The crinkly voice cleared its throat, “Good luck.”

Kipwil’s panicky thoughts went wild in her head at this. 6 times?? 1km?? That makes 6 KM??I CAN’T DO IT!!!!! And then do it again???

Kipwil dressed slowly and ate slower.  Nanny Nutrition cast worried looks her way and even the recipes were quieter in their chatter. Nanny had noticed the goblin ridden food creeping into her cupboards and she was concerned Kipwil was going to fail in the last few weeks. She went over to Kipwil and hugged her gently.

“ I believe in you….you are fuelled with good food and your muscles are strong. I don’t know what is worrying you but the team is all here for you. That includes Hubba Hubba and the children, they are so very, very proud of you.” She said to Kipwil.

Kipwil hugged her briefly back and left to find Sergeant JFDI and Stopclock.

She arrived at the training ground as clouds began to build behind the field. Great, rain, now I DEFINITELY won’t be able to do it Kipwil thought dejectedly. She looked up at Sergeant JFDI’s voice.

“ KIPWIL, ANNOUNCE YOUR READINESS TO STOPCLOCK AND THE TIME TRIALS WILL BEGIN” he ordered in his best parade ground voice.

Kipwil took up position at the start and sighed.

 “ Ready” she mumbled.

“Ready….Set….Go” Stopclock  voiced in a monotone and Kipwil was off.

She pumped her arms and legs and the first few hundred metres were easier than she thought.  She began to enjoy the running and even managed a sprint for the last 100 metres at the end. She turned to look at Stopclock as she past the finish line.

“4.38mins” his voice announced.

Sergeant JFDI added “ WELL DONE KIPWIL!! TWO MINUTE REST AND WE GO AGAIN”

Kipwil ran and ran.  Each time got a little harder and harder, the rest breaks seemd shorter and shorter.  She wanted to give up and just not do it, after all it wasn’t like it was COMPULSORY or anything but she knew she would be disappointed in herself. She had to do this because is she didn’t she might as well give up everything else now.

The numbers kept coming… 4.55mins, 4.58mins, 4.57mins,  4.51mins…and now for the last one.

Kipwil was almost spent. She puffed and panted. Sergeant JFDI yelled encouragingly and kept her going.  She felt tired and there was still one more run.  She took her place and took off at Stopclock’s count.  She struggled, her chest hurt, her arms hurt, she had tears in her eyes. It began to rain and Kipwil felt lower than she had felt for the last twelve weeks. She tried a little burst of speed to cross the line but nearly fell over.

“ 5.09mins” Stopclock intoned.

Sergeant JFDI and Kipwil walked slowly home. 

“ You did well Kipwil.  We will do this once more in two days” Sergeant JFDI said, patting Kipwil on her sore and aching shoulders.

“ Thanks Sergeant,” Kipwil said. Inside she thought But how do I know those were good times? I’m such a failure. I've been folling myself that I could amount to anything.

Kipwil arrived home to find her times inscribed on her wall.  On the screen were other people’s times and congratulations to Kipwil and to each other.  Kipwil felt better when she saw it, she saw she did well and should be proud of her achievement and effort. After all she didn’t give up!

The second time Kipwil ran the race, she was nervous.  She knew it was going to be hard and the weight of trying to beat the first set of times weighed on her.  She was so focused on running she forgot to take note of the times until she saw them inscribed on the wall at her home.

“ Run 1: 4.33 mins (-0.05)        run 2: 4.40mins (-0.15)

 run 3: 4.47 mins (-0.11)           run 4: 4.48 mins (-0.09)

run 5: 4.59 mins (+ 0.08)        run 6; 4.56 mins (-0.53)

Queen Mish ‘s face flickered into life on the screen.

“ Kipwil, can you see what Seduction is doing to you?  She is taking away your self belief, your strength of mind, your love of life.  All she gives you back is Fear….fear of failing, fear of doing the wrong thing, fear of being caught, fear of yourself.  You HAVE the power to resist her and while I know it can be hard to be positive all the time, I’m proud of you for doing it anyway.  For seeing something beautiful in every moment and the bright side of everything.  I can’t wait to see you at our grand finale party, and you will meet other beautiful, strong and wise men and women just like yourself.”

“ You are more than what other people think of you and you are definitely more than what you think of yourself.  Now rest up and well done.” Queen Mish winked and disappeared.

Kipwil sat in thought for a long time.  Queen Mish is right.  I have let Fear take over again. It stops me seeing what I HAVE done and achieved and only what I haven’t. I need to take back control. I CAN do this and I WILL!

Does Kipwil wrestle control back from Fear and Seduction?  How will the last two weeks go? What happens at the Finale party?  Stay tuned….

Chapter 29: A change of pace.

I sit by the river, in the shade of a gum

Watching the river float by, twinkling in the sun.

I hear the piping of the birds and the lullaby of the leaves

As the scent of the wattle settles over me.

I relax on the grass, lying on the bank

And silently think about who I have to thank

For the strength that runs through my veins with ease

And the determination that set my will free.

‘MICHELLE BRIDGES’ the air around me cries

‘12 Week transformation’ hum the dragonflies

A reflection ripples in the calm water

Queen Mish’s face is there wreathed in laughter.

“ I gave you the tools, the plan and advice

 But YOU did the work and paid the price.

YOU reap the reward of new healthy lifestyles”

Queen Mish told me with the biggest of smiles.

Now armed with new mantras like JFDI

I hit my stride and found I could fly

I have biceps and triceps, glutes and quads

And so many more, who knew the odds?

The rest of my life lies before my feet

Much like the river flowing to the sea

My options are endless, only contained by me

And I intend to explore every possibility.

Chapter 28: Floating on air.

Kipwil's life had been following a pattern now, all thanks to the timetable she set up when she was completing her tasks upon her arrival.  She was enjoying her time with Sergeant JFDI, her chats with Nanny Nutrition and the party enthusiasm Weekly Surprise brought with her.

Weekly Surprise was accompanied one day in week 7 with a tiny little red envelope.
" This is a gift from Queen Mish, Kipwil!" Weekly Surprise squealed with delighted thrills. " You have won a challenge!"

Indeed Kipwil HAD won a challenge and safely tucked away in the red envelope was a happy little voucher, complete with running shoes on.  It cheerily jogged up onto Kipwil's hand and along her arm so Kipwil could read it.

" FANTASTIC!" Kipwil said in amazement," it's a voucher for $50 for Athlete's Foot!  I am SOOO getting a new pair of shoes properly fitted!" 

Kipwil had also taken part in another run up the Hill of Heroics.  She felt strong and happy as she ran and was wondering aloud if the Hill of Heroics had shrunk somewhat.  A Catchya gnome , taking pictures at the finish line, overheard Kipwil and squeaked " No shrunk, you STRONG" and popped back in his burrow.  Kipwil smiled and pumped her arms as she crossed the finish line, she felt invincible.  Her determination and joy in running was seen in the Catchya gnomes pictures, that were displayed on her results wall.

The first was at the 4 Km mark, still smiling.....

 Hubba Hubba laughed as he pointed out yet another picture of Kipwil running without her feet touching the ground  and still smiling....

And the finish line sprint....

Kipwil ran that race 2 minutes faster than last time.

Kipwil could see and feel the changes in her body.  She was definitely stronger, she could feel that as she stretched and could see the weights on her Workshop Body Pump Classes get bigger.  She felt good inside from the clean and whole foods Nanny Nutrition was showing her how to make and her mind was definitely stronger too.  Kipwil approached the next Measurement and Fitness day with confidence and blitzed it all.

That evening, after the Fitness Test, Kipwil stood and looked at her results board with Queen Mish on the screen.

" Kipwil, I am so proud of you.  You  improved on every aspect of your weight, your measurements and your fitness test.  You've lost a total of 20 cms overall and 6.3 kilos. How do you feel?" Queen Mish said smiling

" I feel GREAT!  I feel good about myself and even when I have the blahs, I just get out and do it anyway and I always feel better for doing it.  When I indulge and have a treat, I don't beat myself up over it because I know I can restrain myself now.  And I am most proud of my time trial....if you had told me 8 weeks ago I could run 1 km in 4 mins and 34 seconds, I would have laughed at you and never done it.  I feel like I can do anything." Kipwil replied, the words flying out of her mouth.

" You CAN do anything Kipwil!" said Queen Mish.  " Everyone around you has been telling you that for years, but the Other Self in your mind has blocked it all from getting through.  You are going great guns and I salute you. You should be floating on air"  With that, Queen Mish winked and her image flickered on the screen before it went back to the rainbow light.

Kipwil smiled....she WAS floating on air.  She air walked out to the garden and Hubba Hubba, who was waiting for her. He took her hand, spun her gently around and found himself rising to meet her.

" Shall we dance?" he said as he drew her close, and they danced among the stars, while the night sang.

Kipwil is doing so well, and there's 4 weeks left to go.  Will she be walking on air for the next 4 weeks?  Are there any challenges left to face?  Only time will tell.....